Teardrops On My Guitar

D looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see
What I want and I need
And everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful
That girl he talks about
And she's got everything
That I have to live without

D talks to me
I laugh, cause it's so funny
That I can't even see..
Anyone, when he's with me

He says he's so in love
He's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows
He's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

D walks by me
Can he tell that I cant breathe
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She better hold him tight
Give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes
And know she's lucky, cause....

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

So I drive home alone
As I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down
And maybe get some sleep at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing
Don't know why I do

He's the time taken up
But there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into

D looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see......

Letting go..

words failed me..

still digesting..
d fact dat my hopes n dreams are shattered into pieces.. in juz a blink of d eyes..
by those 3 simple words..
d fact dat i lost sumthin so precious.. without ever getting d chance to fight for it..
bcoz of those 3 simple words..
d fact dat those 3 simple, simple words..
possess amazingly greater power.. dat stole d light away from my life..
n changed it forever..

how do u let go.. of sumthin dat mean so much..
i need to let go.. of sumthin dat mean so much..
teach me how to let go of sumthin dat mean so much..
coz its killing me rite now..
its eatin me inside..
i'm broken beyond repairs..

my hope n dream.. found his own hope n dream..
which dont have me as a part of d storyline..
heck, i never ever been a part of it in d first place..
coz i'm never ever been 'there' in d first place..
n never ever will be..

his hopes n dreams started with d broken of mine..
his new fairytale started with d ending of mine..
n where will dat leave me?

i need to let go..
help me to let go..


halie

Nu Year's Raving..

elloo people!!

we meet again in a brand nu post, on a brand nu day, of a brand nu year. its been quite some time since my last post. been busy lately. wat wif a nu semester starting, have 2 make sure dat d labs r in gud condition, all d equipments functioning, n more n more nu weird equipments arriving (all of which confused d h*** out of me). starting dis year also, utar will be implementing “five-day work week” meaning no more working saturdays. woohoo! unless its overtime which can be claim so i'm not complaining.

on d downside, we (d labs slave) now have 2 start wearing uniforms, for safety reason they said. personally i think they juz dont want us 2 be mistaken as d lecturers (jeles la tu) coz most of us (d girls especially) melaram dgn jayanya 2 work daily. u cant blame us 4 trying 2 look gud 4 public eyes can u? back 2 d uniform, did i mention d uniform's hideous? it is. let me describe it 4 u. it consists of a shirt n a pant. d shirt is grey in color (grey?) i mean they can choose blue or brown but they have 2 choose grey didn't they? d pants' blue black (sbijik cam sluar bebdk skolah rendah) n its d men design. u nou how men pants differ from women pants. while d women pants usually bigger in d bottom part of d pants, d men pants bigger in d top parts. so unflattering. it juz make ur thighs n behind look bigger. n 2 top it all, it is made from materials dat make u feel like u've been encased wif a portable sauna all day long. but surprisingly, my boss was being very cool about it. d 1st thing he said 2 me when i got back from collecting d uniform was " wat stupid uniform did they gave u? dont wear, dont wear!" haha. bgus btul my boss. cyg mr. ho. huhu.

last week has been very stressful 4 me tho. i've been tangled up in some sort of dilemma regarding my future. i've been offered a very tempting yet risky proposal from a (thoughtful?) hamba Allah who said he/she is juz suggesting dis bcoz he/she juz want us 2 have a successful life in d future. after much thinking, deliberating, weighing n brainstorming (wif a couple of headache thrown in d way), i finally decided dat unfortunately i had 2 turn down d offer. i mean there's a lot of risks involved n so many things at stake here. i also took into consideration some advices from people dat matters. n deep down i juz dont have a good feeling about all dis. of coz i have 2 go n trust my instinct.

but by turning it down i might have jeopardized my relationship wif dis person but as a defend 2 myself, dis is regarding my future. i repeat MY future! not his/hers or others. MINE. n at d end of d day, i'm d one who will take responsibilies of every single action of mine. not him/her. n dis offer is juz suicide. i'm not gonna risk my future on something dat seem so far-fetched 2 d mind. if he/she is really thinking of my wellbeings, he/she will understand instead of threatening me in 'dat' way of him/hers. also, he/she will not be willing 2 end our longtime friendship juz bcoz i refused 2 go his/her way. wat's fair in dat? watever it is i juz dont give a d*** coz i nou i'm making d rite decision n if he/she cant see dat well d h*** wif him/her. i juz cant be bothered by someone who is so self-centered as dat. n if he/she dont wanna be associated wif me anymore juz bcoz of some stupid things as dis then dats his/her lost not mine. (yes i'm mad! seriously mad at dis makhluk).

enuff of dat. (dont wanna ruin my mood wif d stupid thing). last nite i went 2 d 8tv rockin bday concert. it was a BLAST! had d chance 2 see che'nelle (i fell in luv wif d dru..er dj), hujan (hujan best! was singing along wif them thruout their performance.. n so does d crowd!), meet uncle hussain (lalalala), bittersweet (anak cik dayang), faizal tahir (bukak baju satu2, then baling 2 d crowd until he's topless. dh mcm tiger show plak), suki oiam, jaclyn victor, n d 8tv quickie hosts. but sadly, due 2 our lateness, i missed d performance of d one n only band dat i long 2 see. pop shuvit (they was d opening act). waaa sedey! i wanna see rudy abusing d drumset! sob sob.

nonetheless, on dis 24th my other fav drummer boy, dino n d cannon boys will be performing at laundry d curve 4 d fly.fm campurchart. i dont think i'm gonna be there tho. i mean me in a place like dat would be so weird. dont wori guys i'm still gonna support u from far. n on d 27th my other fav drummer (n bro 2 d other two), andy n his band estranged will be rockin d AJL stage in d pop rock category. itu kamu best! (i'm writing mcm la all dis band read my blog) x kisah la kn, nothin can stop me from supporting my fav drummer trio till d end. azlan, azril, azwin rocks!

fuh!! x ingat dunia aku menaip. maklum la lame x post. lpas gian la katekn. better stop now coz its lunch time! lapar giler ni. wanna go n attack any places wif foods. sila gerun ye wahai pmilik2 gerai mkn skalian. muahahaha!!

me out!!

A quarter of a century..

another year has come & gone. another number will be added to my age. in a couple of days i will officially be a quarter of a century old. pejam celik pejam celik dh nk msuk 25 taun idup kt muka bumi ni.

so wat have i accomplish in my 25 years of age so far?

hmm lets see, i learned 2 walk, talk, clean after myself. done kindergarten (where i learned d art of friendship n met my 1st crush at d tender age of 6). then primary school (excelled my upsr, met another crush). finish high school (sat 4 pmr then spm, met another crush, n another.. n another). went to uitm, graduated (fell in luv, broke my heart). hopped from 1 job 2 another. hated 1 boss then another..

well i finally found a proper job now. a job dat i luv. n no i did not hate my current boss. so dat means my last year resolution 2 find me a better job was accomplished. i moved to kl 4 my job. start a brand new life in dis hectic city. met new people. make new friends. see new things. experience new adventure. (maybe find new luv, perhaps? nah!).

do miss my family sometimes. n my babies. a lot. well, life goes on. but life here is pretty bearable. i finally be closer to my fav niece again (who's like a sis 2 me). made a couple of awesome friends (absolutely luv them)... n i met someone. indirectly. (nope he's not a boyfriend if anybody's wondering). but he's kinda special in his own unique way. he makes me realized things i'm never aware of b4. he makes me do things i never think of doing b4. he makes me hope n wish 4 d impossible. he makes me see life from a different perspective. 2 make it short, he has made me a better person. n weird enuff, he himself has no idea dat he had done all of dat 2 me. yes he did pissed me off sometimes but it didnt matter coz i adore dat man so much. (n if u're wondering again, yea he's cute n he does possess gud bf/hubby qualities). to MAD (if somehow miracle happened n u'll be reading dis), i hope u will meet ur dream gal, d one u've been searching high n low. n i really hope dat she's worthy of u coz u're one hell of a guy. after everythings dat u've experienced, u deserve only d best. n its a pleasure knowing u. o yea, n sori 4 my previous post (in another blog) where i vented my frustration on u (well u asked 4 it). i'm over dat (i think). hee.

apart from dat, i'm still d same old same old me. not much have changed since high school (except 4 my body size of coz, which will be my new year resolution; 2 lose weight! mari kita berusaha!) i still havent met my other half (could dis be another new year resolution? 2 find one?). nah, i'm gonna left dis matter in d hand of YANG MAHA MENGETAHUI. i believe my missing half will find his way 2 me sooner or later. i'm not gonna kid myself n say dat i never given thought on dis thing coz i did but it's not bcoz i'm desperate 2 get married or anything but more bcoz of d pressure surrounding me. i.e most of my friends either getting married or already married n expecting their own minis. n people around keep asking d 'FAQ' question, 'ko bila plak?' 2 be honest i now have made up some pretty interesting answers 2 dat Q ;)
personally, i dont think i'm ready 4 it yet. theres so much more dat i need 2 do/achieve b4 i settle down. 4 me now, my family is my no 1 priority. my social life can wait. i may be alone, but i'm sure isnt lonely (theres a different 2 dat). coz i'm bless wif a bunch of people who love me unconditionally n i'm really thankful 4 dat. n i'm thankful 4 my life too. coz my life is pretty fair 2 me. i had my fair share of ups n downs but dats wat life is all about isnt it. u have 2 be thankful n grateful 4 every lil things coz if u dont know how 2 do dat then u will never learn 2 enjoy ur life. our life is short friends. we only have one shot so make d most of it. stop saying dat life sucks n try 2 focus on d best part of it. u'll feel better u'll see.

enuff now. i'm gonna go n enjoy my few last days as a 24-years old. hopefully there's some memorable one in store 4 me.

ciao people! see u when i turn 25!!

A Spirit-Lifter

a kind soul send me dis email some days back. i'm so thankful 4 it coz dis email shone some light 2 my overall gloomy day. its juz a normal 4ward email but somehow its juz wat i needed. some sort of spirit lifter. something 2 make me feel gud about myself. n something 4 me 2 ponder n be grateful 4..

** Perkara yang anda tak perasan atau saja tak perperasaan....

1. Sekurang-kurangnya ada 5 orang dalam dunia ini menyayangi anda dan sanggup mati kerana anda.

2. Sekurang-kurangnya ada 15 orang dalam dunia ini menyayangi anda dalam beberapa cara.

3. Sebab utama seseorang membenci anda adalah kerana dia ingin menjadi seperti anda.

4. Senyuman daripada anda boleh membawa kebahagiaan kepada seseorang walaupun dia tidak menyukai anda.

5. Setiap malam ada seseorang mengingati anda sebelum dia tidur.

6. Anda amat bermakna dalam hidup seseorang.

7. Kalau bukan kerana anda, seseorang itu tidak akan hidup bahagia.

8. Anda seorang yang istimewa dan unik.

9. Seseorang yang anda tidak ketahui menyayangi anda.

10. Apabila anda membuat kesilapan yang sangat besar, ada hikmah disebaliknya.

11. Sekiranya anda merasakan anda dipinggirkan, fikirlah semula; mungkin anda yang meminggirkan mereka.

12. Apabila anda terfikir anda tidak mempunyai peluang untuk mendapatkan sesuatu yang anda ingini, mungkin anda tidak akan memperolehinya, tetapi sekiranya anda percaya pada diri sendiri lambat-laun anda akan memperolehinya.

13. Kenangilah segala pujian yang anda terima. Lupakan segala maki hamun, caci & cela.

14. Jangan takut untuk meluahkan perasaan anda; anda akan merasa senang bila seseorang mengetahuinya.

15. Sekiranya anda mempunyai sahabat baik, ambillah masa untuk memberitahunya yang dia adalah yang terbaik. Hanya seminit diperlukan untuk mendapat sahabat baik, sejam untuk menghargainya, sehari untuk menyayanginya, tapi sepanjang hidup untuk melupakannya.

... we do take things 4 granted sometimes...

Runaway Bride - a not-making-sense tale

last nite i had a weird n outrageous dream. i dreamed dat i was about to get married. dis may sound fairly normal but wait till u hear d rest of d story. without further ado, let me take u in a journey into my dream..

d location n background of dis dream was my house back in my hometown. it was d eve of my wedding day (in d dream not real life) n i was experiencing all of those feelings n emotions dat a bride-2-be usually felt (i assumed of coz since i never been a bride myself). u nou, all those anxiousness, nervousness n feeling of doubt. being in dat state of mind, i'm obsessing 2 juz about everything. obsessing about my hair being 2 short 4 a bride; where in real life i never had hair dat short (i cant pull d mia farrow look wif me being too chubby), obsessing about d fact dat none of my friends are gonna be there 4 my wedding bcoz they dont even nou dat i'm getting married (d wedding was such an abrupt decission, in fact it only took a week to plan), d fact dat i hate my wedding dress (it was bright PINK 4 god sake!), n also d fact dat d caterers plan 2 serve d guests roti canai n nasi lemak (wat is dis? a breakfast buffet?).

n somewhere between all those obsessing, i got an sms from a stranger saying dat he (i assumed its a 'he') want 2 berkenalan wif me. now, who in their rite mind would want 2 berkenalan wif a bride-2-be on d eve of her wedding day? ridiculous! somehow it turned out dat d wedding itself was actually a plan marriage n i kinda hate d groom (who turned out 2 be an x-crush who in real life is blissfully in luv wif another girl).

2 make matters worst, on d morning of my wedding day my parents decided it was a gud time 2 tell me some shocking revelation dat, check dis, i actually am not their biological child (what??!). there's some sort of scandal involved but i'm not going 2 elaborate on dat. n suddenly i realized dat i couldnt take all dis anymore n i'm having cold feet n i dont wanna be married 2 sumone dat i dont luv so i did d 1st thing dat came 2 my mind. i decided 2 run away.

i told my mom dat i was going 2 d cemetery (now, wat bride goes 2 visit d graveyard on d morning of her wedding day?) but my mom said yes (again now, wat mom lets her about-2-get-married daughter visit d graveyard on d morning of her wedding day?). o yea, it also turned out dat d cemetery is situated juz in our backyard. of coz we dont have a cemetery in our backyard (lombong ada la). so i run away (not 2 d cemetery of coz). n guess wat mean of transportation did i use 2 escape? a bicycle! can u believe it? of all d vast number of modern day transportation i had 2 escape on a bicycle? dis dream must be kidding me! thanks 2 dat darn bicycle i almost got caught by my family who were chasing me by cars (dis is so not fair!). so wat a bride on a bicycle got 2 do? go hide somewhere of coz.

n while i was hiding, out of nowhere came a gang of mob who tried 2 harass n hit on me at d same time. to make d dream more absurd, d leader of d gang turned out 2 be my uncle who's married wif 4 kids. somehow i end up lecturing my uncle dat he of all people shouldnt supposed 2 mengorat his own niece when he already got children as old as me. he broke down n cried (gosh, i made my stoic uncle cried.. dis is an achievement!). after successfully bringing d gang of mob kembali ke pangkal jalan i continued my journey.

i end up at a gas station. my beloved bicycle by now had mysteriously transformed into a 4-wheel drive (d magic of dreams..). as i was about 2 enter d car, another car stop across 2 mine n out came none other than d hated groom himself. it turned out (sorry so many 'turned outs') dat he too was escaping d wedding bcoz he too dont want 2 be stuck married 2 me (dat part did hurt a bit tho). as i was trying 2 make sense of our situation, i heard d familiar sound of my alarm clock n i was transported back 2 where my journey 1st started. my bed. hence d end or d absolutely senseless dream.

honestly, dat was one heck of a dream. insane yet enjoyable (at least 2 me). i woke up feeling like i havent gone 2 bed at all. i have 2 say dat dream sure qualifies 2 be one of d most absurd dreams dat i ever had (among them includes one of me being chased by a dinosaur while wearing a puteri gunung ledang-like outfit with a santana song playing in d background.. go figure).

so, anyone who CARE 2 interpret my dream feel free 2 hit me back.

ciao!!

Me? A cheerleader?!!

a gud friend of mine recently told me dis, 'u nou wat? u're everyone's cheerleader' after i've been there 4 him in one of his many 'down' times. n dat statement made me thinks whether dats actually a gud thing or a bad thing...

wat exactly is a cheerleader? according to d dictionary, a cheerleader is a person who leads spectators in traditional or formal cheering esp. at a pep rally or athletic event or an enthusiastic and vocal supporter or sumone who expresses or promotes thoughtless praise; an adulator.

so am i really a cheerleader? as far as i nou, i dont have d look nor d body nor d move nor d sexiness nor d attitude dat qualifies one as a cheerleader. i've never ever even held a pom-pom all my life. but if base on d definition above, maybe i've been a 'cheerleader' more than once in my life. not in d miniskirts n pom-poms kinda way of course but more 2ward d cheering-for-people-who-really-need-cheering kinda way. i've cheered 4 a bunch of people all my life whether its family or friends. i made some gud friends along d way. n it sure did improved my relationship wif some of them too.

but life as a cheerleader is not all fame n glory. more than once between all those cheering, jumping, cartwheeling, n backflipping, u will trip n fall. not everyone loves a cheerleader. in some places in d world, cheerleaders are even rated one of d most hated human beings on d face of earth. some people thinks dat d act of a cherleader is revolting, nauseating, sickening n loathsome. personally, i faced my own obstacles as a 'cheerleader' countless times. i've been chastised, despised, scorned and loathed by some bcoz they thought i'm juz meddling n interfering in sumone else life. god knows i only do dis bcoz i CARE (do they even nou d meaning of dat word?). but its no point in clearing d air to those people. u cant make everyone luv u rite? they can critized me all they want. as long as i nou i'm doing d rite thing and no soul was harm in d process then i'm all gud. plus d number of friendships dat i made overruled d number of haters dat i unintentionally made.

yet sometime, being a 'cheerleader' is tiring me up. dont get me wrong. i'm not saying i hate doing all dis but its juz dat sometime cheering 4 others makes me forget 2 cheer 4 myself. it also makes me wonder, if i'm everyone's cheerleader then whose mine? no doubt my mom is my ultimate cheerleader but other than family who is/are mine? would any of those people i cheered 4 will cheer 4 me back? i know a couple of them would never think twice of cheering 4 me. but wat u really wanna nou is whether they are ur cheerleader only in victory time or are they willing 2 cheer 4 u even if u lose. n a cheerleader who cheers 4 d loser is much more worthy than d one cheering only if u score.. hmm...

now who's UR cheerleader?

think about dat.

daaa......

Myspace Funny Picture Graphics

("doesnt dat skinny guy remind u of sumone?" said me 2 myself. hihi)