Thursday, October 16, 2008

a) bad hair/tudung days, b) fighting a lost battle, c) fairytales anyone? ok now pick ur own tittle for this post.

sometime life feels like a neverending bad hair days. or in my case bad tudung days. remember one of those days when ur hair/tudung refuse to behave themselves no matter how u coax n persuade it or even bribe it to present themselves nicely on top of ur head? n after much wasted effort u still end up looking like a deranged, bewildered lady (that is if we can still be called a lady after all that). well, thats how it is. peeps who free-haired get bad hair days. peeps who cover theirs get bad tudung days. life is pretty fair. (btw do men get bad hair days too i wonder.. hmmm)

neway what i'm trying to rant is this. i've been having bad tudung days, both literally n not literally speaking, for quite sometime now. life seems to go downhill for certain aspects of my life nowadays. trial after trial. heartache after another. i've even lost that small2 happiness that life had granted me a few months back too. that small2 happiness that keep me functioning even tho i feel like colapsing on heaps. that dragged n boosted me up on those very down days of mine. that 'daily dose of joy' remember? the one which has been the subject of my babbling a few post back? well no more daily dose of joy for me it seems. even tho that 'somebody' given up hiding already but it makes absolutely no different to me if to be compared to the time when hiding is a favourite past-time of him.

well if life throws us lemon, we make lemonade people say. but i'm feeling more like throwing those lemons back at life rather than juicing it u know what i mean? i tried motivating myself. tried foreseeing those bitterness n realizing the goodness they bring instead. feels nothing. tried the "After every storm there is sunshine, For every ending there lies a new beginning, For every question there is an answer, For every heartache there is joy, For every sickness there is healing, bla bla" that kinda things. but sigh.. still not working. this stubborn heart refused to even try to consider them yet alone to have faith in it.

sometime it feels like i'm fighting a lost battle. the stupid me keep on fighting even tho victory is out of my reach. y? coz i was raised on fairytale that is. i was raised to believe that everybody is entitled to have a happy ending. but that is so not how it works on this reality world we live in. not everybody will get a chance at happy ending. not everybody will get to be swept off their glass-clad slippers by a knight in shining armour riding a handsome stallion n rode off into the sunset. we're not living in fairytale where all the princesses play damsel in distress n just patiently sit n wait in some isolated castle towers (u can add in a guard dragon in there to spice things up) for their prince charming to come rescue them. in reality we, the princesses have to save our own pretty behind ourself. knight in shining armour who??

but in the end i'm no quiter (btol ke that spelling? correct me if i'm wrong. i'm in a blur while i'm penning this. hehe). my parent raised me to be more than that. even tho how deep a hole i'm stuck in, even tho how steep the mountain i fell from, one thing is absolutely certain to me. u cannot win unless u play and u cannot fail unless and until u quit. fall down if u must, rest for awhile if u wish, but get right back up, brush off the dust of ur pretty behind, re-chart ur course and find the inner strength to go one more round. life, throw all the lemons u have at me but i will not run n hide. i may not make lemonade but i will find a better use for those lemons oh u bet i will. i will free myself from those towers, n throw away my glass slippers (u wont get very far if u're escaping in glass slippers) n ride the handsome stallion into the sunset by myself (after stealing the horsie from prince charming n abandoning him on a hot desert muahaha!). if thats what it takes for me to be happy so be it. after all who need a guy who waits a hundred years to save u kan.

ok thats it. deranged ranting accomplished. peeps, do not attempt to even try to understand all i'm raving. coz i dont myself. :)


and me live happily ever after..